The Night I Cried for a Completely Different Reason

Last night, I cried while holding my baby.

But this time, I wasn’t crying because I was exhausted.

I wasn’t crying because I hadn’t slept.

I wasn’t crying because I felt overwhelmed or frustrated.

I was crying because, for a moment, I realized something that completely humbled me.

I could make her feel better just by being there.

She wasn’t feeling well. She was uncomfortable, crying and clearly having a difficult night.

So I picked her up.

I held her against my chest, put my arms around her and started singing to her.

And slowly, she relaxed.

Her little body softened.

The crying stopped.

She was still uncomfortable, but being in my arms made it better.

And I just stood there thinking:

How is it possible that my presence can mean so much to someone?

I cried.

I cried because I felt important.

Not important because of something I had achieved.

Not because of my work, my responsibilities or anything I had accomplished.

Just because I am her mum.

Because when she is uncomfortable, sometimes all she needs is me.

And then I remembered another night.

A very different night.

A few weeks after giving birth, I remember holding her in my arms while she cried.

Except that time, I was crying too.

But my tears felt completely different.

I was exhausted.

I couldn’t sleep.

She couldn’t sleep.

I was frustrated, overwhelmed and honestly, I remember thinking:

This is so unfair.

I loved her more than anything, but at that moment I was so tired that I couldn’t see beyond the exhaustion.

I remember wondering when it would get easier.

When would I sleep again?

When would I feel like myself again?

When would I stop feeling so completely consumed by motherhood?

Back then, holding my baby felt like something I had to do when I desperately needed rest.

Last night, I realized that the exact same action could feel completely different.

I was still holding my baby.

But this time, I wasn’t thinking about what I was missing.

I was thinking about what I was giving her.

Motherhood changes you in ways you don’t expect.

There are moments when you feel like you have nothing left to give.

And there are moments when you realize that, somehow, you have so much love inside you that it almost hurts.

Last night was one of those moments.

I looked at my baby in my arms and felt this incredible sense of gratitude.

Not because motherhood is always beautiful.

It isn’t.

There are hard nights.

There are tears.

There is frustration.

There is exhaustion.

There are moments when you desperately want five minutes alone.

And then there are moments like this.

Moments when your baby rests against your chest, listens to your voice and feels safe.

And you realize:

Maybe I am her safe place.

That thought broke my heart in the most beautiful way.

To the mum who is in the exhausting part right now

Maybe you’re holding your baby at 3 a.m.

Maybe you’re crying because you’re tired.

Maybe you’re wondering how you’re going to do another day without enough sleep.

Maybe you’re frustrated because you love your baby so much, but you also desperately need a break.

I want you to know that those feelings don’t make you a bad mum.

I felt them too.

And one day, sometimes when you least expect it, you may find yourself holding that same baby and crying for a completely different reason.

Not from exhaustion.

Not from frustration.

But from love.

From gratitude.

From the realization that you are someone’s whole world.

And maybe that’s one of the most extraordinary things about becoming a mum.

We don’t just raise our babies.

We become their safe place.

And somehow, while we’re busy taking care of them, they’re changing us too.

You don’t have to do motherhood alone.

Sometimes you need someone to hold your baby.

Sometimes you need someone to listen.

Sometimes you just need another mum who says, “Me too.”

That’s what we’re building at Baby Wearers a community where mums can come together, bring their babies, move, connect and feel supported through all the different seasons of motherhood.

Come find your mum tribe. ❤️

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